Pat Robertson's Protein Pancakes

Working for a TV broadcaster in London (U.K.) really gave me a insiders look at the dark underbelly of TV production.

My official title was Executive Producer for Interactive Programming, I was basically responsible for anything interactive related to TV programmes. Sometimes we made technically eleborate, ridiculously expensive interactive TV applications delivered to people's set-top boxes via satellite or cable; the kinds of bombastic, over-the-top stuff you see on BBC (or over here, Discovery Channel). At other times we just made simple, no-nonsense websites. Mostly it was out-of-control mind-numbing 800-lb. gorilla-type interactive albatrosses that cost millions to produce and leave you feeling like you've had all the breath sucked out of you after viewing it. I loved it!

But the best part of what I did is that I got to be a part of the overall production process and got to work with all the "real" TV people. It was a real eye-opener for me. I sat in on editorial meetings, budget meetings, production meetings, I even helped produce and direct bits of the 'linear' production.

Most importantly, I had the chance to peer into the shadowy Orwellian world of TV, inflated egos, self-delusion, drugs and sexual deviance; while still retaining my 'outsider's' status as one of those 'interactive people.' It was great!

That's why it was no surprise to me that Pat Robertson, a consummate TV-type personality, was advocating assasinating the Venezuelan President...on TV!

Now that I am back in the good ol' U.S. of A, I'm still working in TV...sort of. Now I help create video-on-demand applications for huge cable operators. Basically, I make ugly techie stuff look pretty. Part of my job takes place in "The Lab." The Lab is where all the techies show guys like me the interactive TV applications before they go out to the clients. The Lab is filled with racks of whirring machines and dozens TV screens of all shapes and sizes.

One of the engineers thought it would be funny to turn on CBN, Robertson's 24-hour Christian Broadcasting network on several of the monitors in The Lab. It was really distracting.

Then I noticed that Pat was doing a cooking segment and I turned up the volume. He was preparing some of his world-famous "Protein Pancakes." I watched (dumbfounded) as Pat (and his lovely assistant) showed the audience step-by-step how to make his "special" pancakes.

Then I saw it, just for a brief moment in the corner of the TV screen. If you blinked, you might have missed it. A strange, mysterious glass vial filled with some kind of amber liquid. No explanation of this ominous liquid was given. Suddenly the segment was over and Pat shifted to his desk to continue rambling on about world events.

But it set my mind whirling...as Pat leered at me from the screen with a look of smug mischief, could this be a part of his master plan? Could his protein pancakes and the assasination of the Venezuelan President be linked somehow? Just what was that "special ingredient?" Is that the smell of bitter almonds emanating from those pancakes?

A word of warning for the Venezuelan President, if Pat Robertson invites you to a pancake breakfast...DON'T GO! There's a reason Pat isn't eating them himself!!!